Tuesday, October 19, 2010

a letter to my pregnant self.

dear melissa,
i need you to brace yourself for a second, what i am about to tell you will shake your whole perspective upside down. you already know that you are going to love that baby to the end of the earth and back. you have already put aside any worry about your ability to love a third; those anxieties left when number two made your heart ache in the most wonderful way as it grew to fit her just right. this time-your ability to mother, your ability to love, to spread yourself out, to be patient will surprise you to the core. love will be bursting in every crevice of your being.
be patient, she will come when she is ready. who are we kidding...have you met you, you're the most impatient person ever. do what you need to do to make yourself think she'll come sooner. push on your ankle pressure points till you cry, who knows maybe it helps? organize and reorganize the same drawer thirty seven times. and tim will get over the fact that the bassinet is already set up three months before her arrival. it's about you right now.
don't worry that you already failed at breastfeeding didn't work out twice. you did what you needed to do in each situation and look your 100% formula fed daughter is measuring at genius levels and is hardly ever sick. just think though, three times later you are armed with a lot of trial and error and along the way have picked up a little more skill each time. this time will be flawless, i promise.
what i am going to tell you now may make you question me, but i need you to look google.com in the eye and tell it to, "eff off". seriously. it will make you crazy-it makes me crazy. all the sad stories, all the mixed information-bad information, worst case scenarios. dammit, just do what you feel is right for you and her.
most importantly, balance is the key. rowan will think your time with her is less because you nurse and change stella. a lot. even though it really is not the case-you might need to go above and beyond from time to time to prove that to her.
One of the best parts of stella will be watching her and tim grow together-warning, when he randomly states how adorable she is-your heart...will literally melt there right on the spot. it's ok that she will laugh and smile for him more, i promise that there will be nothing like their relationship. a daddy's girl for sure.
so, get ready. your body is ready for this. i mean number three right? she should just walk out.
ps, don't pay any attention to dr. p-he is going to be a jerk during labor. this is up to you and your body, let's bring this baby here!
-m