Monday, March 28, 2011

things overheard at church this week.

i don't claim to be any sort of marital genius. it is no secret that i have been married and ran like hell when i couldn't give anymore of me in trying to rectify what was left of a emotionally tragic relationship.
it is also no secret that i have found love again, in my best friend. someone who compliments me perfectly who expects nothing more than my love, gives his all, and in return gets it all back. it is something magical.
this week at church the topic was marriage (we have been in a long series all revolving around love, relationships, and abuse.) and it was a talk in which the 'message' vibrated through my being and i feel the pull to tell you about some of the points: the work that goes into your marriage is the most important work you can ever do.

disclaimer: i am in NO WAY being judgmental or trying to force anything on anyone. these opinions are my own and something i am personally taking to heart. you can take as little or as much away from this as you like. i am purely on a mission to give tim and my family the marriage and life they deserve and i feel these are all great points.

1. count YOUR blessings. 'comparison' is the theif of joy: an evil that slips into your heart and wreaks havoc-it is so easy to find imperfections in your home when you are measuring them against everyone else.
i am guilty of it. being a devoted blogger i come across a lot of moments i am jealous of and feel the struggle to turn my back on the temptation to think less of my own life abundant with blessings. or even torture tim with the attempt to be more like someone else.

2. social networking is a-moral, it can be used for good. it can be used for evil. right now stop and recall how many conversations you have had with different friends where fb, blogger, twitter, and more have caused an issue in a relationship? unfortunately, it is used for bad more than good.
what are you posting? think about it: as a married mom do you take a photo of you in a string bikini with a drink in hand surrounded by friends of the opposite sex to dinner and pass it around? is this something that makes your significant other feel good?

3. set boundaries. practice mental monogamy. pay attention to your media intake. practice vocal monogamy. keep me from paying attention to what is worthless Psalm 119:37

4. lead by example. this one really resonates with me-it is our job to teach our children how to be husbands and wives; especially today with so much negative outside influence from friends, media, and so on.
when a healthy relationship is so prevalent in your household. i LOVE jess from irocksowhat 's quote on top baby blogs 'wife to josh. mother to wyatt. not reversed.' lead with grace.

5. have a date night. once a week, or once a month. trade friends, or save for a babysitter.

6. submit to one another out of reverence for Christ 1 Corinthians 13:5. submission works both ways. are you setting up your spouse to fail? or supporting them to be great?

7. build intimacy. at the top of the man's list is sex and at a woman's is compassion.


Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

I love this Melissa!! Thank you for sharing these thoughts. My husband and I were just discussing a lot of these points, and how we just need to be grateful for our blessings.... and plan more date nights! :)

nicole. said...

I feel blessed each and every day - now if I could just squeeze in that date night every now and then.

Mrs Chaplin said...

This was such a powerful message. Tyson got a LOT out of it too & we had a big long talk afterwards. One of my favorite points that Ryan continually brings up is "comparison is the thief of joy". Such a powerful statement. So happy you are going into this marriage with a new foundation & tools to help it be so so successful. You & Tim gonna rock marriage :) xoxo

[ker-AND-uh] said...

i love this post!! there was a time [and we run into it every now and then] when we were having issues and i realized i wasn't putting in the effort i was hoping to get back. and i was comparing my relationship to other relationships. once i recognized and rectified this situation, we started doing really well!!

now if only we could find time for date nights that don't include the baby. sadly, we're crazy and can't be away from the kidlet too long. lol

Jackson & Theo's Mama said...

I love this post! I think we all need to be reminded of this every once and a while! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I was SO MAD I had to miss last night (sick kids, sick hubby). Some of these weeks have been awkward and not as fufilling as they usually are.
Sounds like it will definetely be worth the $10 to buy this weeks CD!

Amanda Michelle said...

I love that you shared this Melissa! It doesn't matter how incredibly blessed I feel each and every day, there's always that temptation to compare. As much as we try to embrace the lives we are given, it's just so hard to not take it for granite sometimes. This really made me stop and think... like I don't overanalyze already! I also really liked #2-what kind of image are we portraying of ourselves through social networking... it's hard to stay away from witty negativity on here. I really appreciate this! :)