Thursday, June 14, 2012

changes and big decisions

yesterday, after another in depth conversation with our doula to be and another in depth, me talking too fast, throwing facts and statistics around, conversation with my husband, we have decided to aim for a home birth!

if you know me in person at all and we have talked about my type of birth, then you knew i was very anti-home birth before. not that i didn't respect it or love it for other people, it was just not for me. see, i am a worrier of all things and i was already picturing everything that could go wrong, but on the other hand, i do well with encouragement and reminding, and that is exactly what i have gotten from my midwife and doula to help me make this decision.

when we first found out we were pregnant we went right to the local birth center because we were sure it would be the perfect in between. it was in the shadow of the hospital i loved and came very highly recommended. however, after a lot of talking with tim and feeling unsure we settled in at a midwife clinic in the hospital and were now sure that is what we wanted. the birth center didn't feel right either, i couldn't really explain it, but i wasn't positive i would be comfortable there and oddly? i find comfort in a hospital, not for just a birth, but for myself, and i am sure a lot of that comes from the fact that i have never really had a horrible experience. bad doctors? yes, but great nurses and treatment and easy labors.

my midwife has always quietly urged me to remember that i could switch back to the birth center at any time, i was literally the perfect candidate, and she knew deep down it is what i originally wanted. three perfect, short, complication free labors were how all my previous ones had been, however medicated and in a hospital, and i think that is what held me back.

i knew i wanted a natural birth right away and was pretty confident that i could do it, considering stella came in five hours start to finish, but there were those what-if's again...


here is where i am coming from: this is my last baby, my last birth, and i want every thing i can possibly get out of it. i am a women and i was made to carry and birth children and i thrive in and cherish every last one i have experienced, but, and this may sound weird to you, i am going to miss being able to do such a beautiful and natural thing ever again.

so i want it to be natural and painful and with little help other than what my own body will do for me. i want tim to be able to focus and not have to worry about rude doctors and schedules. i want to have my baby then all of us fall asleep in our bed, right there when we are done. i want to be able to walk and bathe and moan in my own house. i want to know that every last one of my wishes is followed to the t without someone questioning me. i want it all.

so, i am back with the original birth center we were working with, someone from my team of midwifes there will deliver me. the best part though, if i suddenly have a change of heart in the moment of labor i can use the birth center in the same way i would have my home, and we will be a block from the hospital if i need that too.

our home is also a short drive to a great hospital and that sets my mind at ease a lot. i also, can up change my mind anytime before i go into labor, choose to go back to my wonderful midwife and deliver at the hospital. it really is wonderful that i have so many choices available to be so that i can get the most out of my experiences that i want.

i feel a little bad breaking up with my midwife, i absolutely love her and we have a great relationship going, but again she has always been supportive of me going back to the bc and will probably be thrilled to hear our new plan!

i am a little nervous about the size of this baby, he/she is already measuring large and last time i grew a belly this big, this fast, a ten and half pound rowan came out. her birth was over all not bad, it was short, but she got stuck at the shoulders and i was close to having to have emergency intervention. i am told positions and such make all of the difference in the world, so we will see where we are after this next ultrasound and make plans and decision from there.

i am so so excited for our doula! she is the wife of one of my oldest friends and i have come to adore her over the last year. she recently had a birth at the same birth center and keeps my informed on everything i need to know and is ready and willing to answer all of my questions. she is in the process of working with local people to create a sort of doula/home birth collective that will include some other great services i can take advantage of like birthing pool rental and placenta encapsulation. i really did luck out on all of this!

so stay tuned, as i am sure i will document our plans and adventure as it plays out! i have my first official appointment at the birth center on the 2nd of july and our twenty-week ultrasound has been moved to wednesday so big news coming in a week!

12 comments:

melissa rohr said...

I have a friend who had 3 hospital births and had her 4th, naturally...she said it was the best experience ever and she's so glad she did it.  I considered a natural home birth for about 30 seconds, then I realized what is best for me is the hospital and an epidural.  I have mixed emotions...this will be my first (and probably my last as far as pregnancy goes....I want to adopt the rest).  Part of me wants to experience it naturally, but the realist in me feels that I'll be in labor for 40 hours and exhausted and I really want to be present and not out of it.  So yep...drugs and a hospital bed for me. (at least for now!) :)

melissa rohr said...

i think that is why i feel pretty good about our decision, i agree with the not wanting to be totally exhausted, so since my labors are all pretty short, especially the last one i think i can handle it :)

melissa rohr said...

How exciting! Doulas are fantastic - so glad you have great support :) Can't wait for your ultrasound results!!!

melissa rohr said...

thanks! i am glad i found one i love, but that also fits my budget - that was something that had made me wary of looking into it. 

melissa rohr said...

Ruthy,  I have a friend who for her first birth needed pitocin to get contractions to start after her water broke, she ended up getting an epidural and having a total of 15 hours of labor.  She said she would always need that, it was genetic, but her last baby was born after just three hours of active labor, epidural free because they didn't have time to get one in.  You never know what might happen!

melissa rohr said...

Personal question, did you tear with any of your other babies?  I ask because what do they do if you tear really bad at home?  During my Bradley classes we we told that tearing isn't super common, and taught ways to prevent it from happening, yet every single one of my mama friends tore and got stitches (myself included, along with a broken tailbone). 

melissa rohr said...

How exciting! I definitely am not brave enough but I give you kudos!

melissa rohr said...

yep, i tore a little bit with every one! i think with stella i only needed one tiny stitch but i think it is unavoidable for me. i am hopeful that with a totally different type of care that i might not though - my eyes have been so opened to how different midwife/home birth care is compared to hospital - there is no rush involved!
and if i do tear, i believe at this point it would be the same, a local shot and some stitches and if it was real real bad they might ask me to come into the hospital or i might have time to wait and come at another time. i will ask my doula though! that is a really good question!

melissa rohr said...

I had 3 waterbirths at our aamazing birth center. I know you and Tim have a great relationship, I know he is nurturing and involved and helpful. Wait till you see him do his man magic during a natural/home birth. You guys will be on a whole new level of awesome relationship-ness. There is nothing like giving birth to a baby that goes straight from your body to your arms to your husband's arms. It's awesome. The pain is awesome, the euphoria is awesome, the relaxing is awesome, the family naps are awesome, the papering is awesome. It's all awesome.


My only regret was not having a home birth, at least once. But not a big enough regret to go for #4!!!!

melissa rohr said...

haha, awesome! i can't wait to see tim is action, it was totally not what i expected when we had stella in the hospital, i think it was all a little overwhelming for him and he couldn't...let it loose, if you get what i mean. i think this will be much more relaxed and on our terms - glad to hear yours were all amazing! like i said, i def need that encouragement to stand behind my wants :)

melissa rohr said...

You are awesome, I hope your birth experience this time is exactly what you want, whatever that turns out to be.

melissa rohr said...

Glad you are following your heart in this! :)