i have only a minute to write as a tylenol pm is calling my name. this is my second night home, out of too many to count, and i am anxious. because it is hard to be away from rowan at all but especially today since she has had a shift in her mood and is suddenly sad and confused more then not. her mood has been such a double edged sword - when she was all smiles and never stopped laughing, i was worried that she had something going on as part of the injury to her brain and now that she has stopped that i am constantly searching for what is making her sad in the moment, grasping at the times she wants to share her giggles.
at her team meeting this thursday (a weekly occurrence) we got the date june sixth as discharge, could be longer, could be shorter. she continues to progress but everyday is a reminder that we still have a long road ahead, one filled with long outpatient therapy days and taking care of three babies at home. i say baby not in a bad way, but it really is honestly, like it is the good old rowan stuck in a six month olds body, finger sucking and all.
i counted the days on the calendar the other day, seventeen weeks till kindergarten. it is a blessing that we have so much time to prepare but it is also something constantly on my mind. my nerves were settled when i talked to the in house teacher and rowans psychologist about how no matter what rowan would go to her normal school and be in her normal class, it is just totally up in the air, in God's hands, what kind of support she will need going forward.
each day is a new day as we settle into a new normal. this weekend my aunt is taking over for me at the hospital so that tim and i can work on getting the house ready for rowan to come home. that includes installing some gates, taking apart her bed to put just her mattress on the floor, etc etc. my life with a special needs kid begins now - it isn't anything like i expected, in fact i surprised myself how seamlessly i slipped into this new role, she won't be special needs for ever but it is in fact the path we are currently walking.
again we are so thankful for all of the support and prayers, i just don't even know where my family would be without them.